


Rescue Me

by HighwayVagabond



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bellemy is dead, Doctor Clarke Griffin, Eventual Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Lexa is an EMT, Madi is Clarke and Bellamy's child, Modern Setting Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-09-18 22:24:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20320498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HighwayVagabond/pseuds/HighwayVagabond
Summary: After Bellamy dies, Clarke is a single mother and surgeon, raising her 12 year old daughter Madi with the help of her mother and best friends. When Madi gets hurt, it brings Lexa into their lives. Clarke hates Lexa in the beginning, but can they warm up to each other eventually? Can Clarke let her walls down, and can she trust Lexa not only with her heart, but with her daughter's?





	1. Chapter 1

The sun was finally rising over the town of Arkadia, Montana as Doctor Clarke Griffin pulled into her driveway. She had just finished her week of overnight shifts at the hospital, and she couldn’t be happier. As Clarke pulled herself out of her black Range Rover and to her feet, she glanced up at the middle window on the second floor of her house, watching the light flicker on. Despite the exhaustion that was weighing down every fiber of her being, a brilliant smile spread across Clarke’s lips. As quickly as she could on her aching feet, Clarke made her way into her home, and the second she closed the door, a body collided with hers.  
“Madi, at least let your mother get her coat off!” The ever so familiar voice of Abby Griffin chuckled from the kitchen.  
“Mornin’ Mama.” Madi greeted cheerfully.  
Clarke hugged her twelve-year-old daughter tightly and placed a kiss on the crown of her head.  
“Good morning, Baby.”  
“How was work?” Abby asked as she casually strode into the foyer, handing Clarke a steaming mug of coffee.  
“Pretty slow as far as the ER goes.” Clarke responded, taking the coffee gratefully.  
Madi peered up at Clarke with a bright but sleepy smile, her deep brown eyes reminding the Doctor so much of Madi’s father, Bellamy. It had been a little over five years since Bellamy had died, and Clarke would be the first person to say that he still lingered on Earth within Madi. They shared a passion, fierce protectiveness, beautiful dark hair, and expressive mocha eyes. If it hadn’t been for her little girl, Clarke had no idea how she would get through every day. Of course, being a 30-year-old single mother who got pregnant at 18 and still made it through med school and a surgical residency came with its challenges, but Madi made it all worth it.  
“Are you coming to my game tonight, mom?” Madi inquired, her voice dripping with hope.  
“Of course, Little Duck. But if you’re late for school I don’t think I’ll get to see you play much.”  
At her mother’s words, Madi’s eyes widened and she printed upstairs, leaving Clarke and Abby in the dust, laughing brightly.  
“Come sit down, Clarke. You look exhausted.”  
Clarke nodded as she followed her mother into the living room and joined her on the couch.  
A few moments of silence passed before Abby took a deep breath and turned to face Clarke fully.  
“She had another nightmare last night. A bad one.”  
Clarke let out a slow breath and rubbed her tired eyes. Ever since Bellamy died, Madi had been having nightmares. In each one, a different family member died. It ranged from Abby, to her Aunt Octavia, and her God-mother Raven, but more often than not they were about losing Clarke.  
Noticing Clarke’s distress, Abby continued.  
“It took her a good two minutes after she woke up to stop screaming, and even then, I couldn’t get her to stop crying.”  
“I’ll schedule her another appointment with Doctor Kane.” Clarke stated, her voice quivering. “I’m not on nights again for a couple months, so I’ll be here for her.”  
“Do you want me to come stay a couple nights a week? The three of us can have Girl’s night.” Abby offered.  
Clarke smiled and finished her coffee before answering.  
“I’d love that.”  
Abby shot Clarke a reassuring smile and pulled her into a tight hug. Just as they let go of each other, Madi came barreling down the stairs with her backpack and duffel bag.  
“I’ll be in the car!” The child called out.  
Just as the door opened, Abby spoke up.  
“Freeze!” She yelled.  
Madi did as she was told and froze, the door hanging open with her hand still on the doorknob. Calmly, Abby rose from the couch, went to the kitchen, and grabbed an apple and a granola bar from the counter.  
“If you think you can be in a family full of doctors and get away without breakfast, you’re crazy.”  
Abby handed Madi her breakfast with a loving smile, and Madi thanked her with a hug.  
“Thank you, Grandma. Are you coming to my game?”  
Abby’s smile faltered a bit and she shook her head.  
“I have a surgery scheduled for 4pm, kiddo. I can’t make this one.”  
Disappointment filtered into Madi’s expression, but she nodded in understanding.  
“There’s always next week.” She compromised.  
Abby placed a kiss on Madi’s forehead before turning to Clarke, who was now standing next to her and doing the same.  
“You two have a good day. I’ll clean up the kitchen and be on my way out.”  
“I love you grandma!” Madi called as she bolted out the front door.  
Clarke grabbed her keys and her purse before giving Abby another tight, needy hug.  
“I love you so much. I couldn’t do this without you.”  
“I love you too, Clarke. Now get our girl to school.”

At 5:30, Clarke pulled into the parking lot of Arkadia High School. Although Madi was only twelve, she played on a high school soccer team. From the get-go, Madi was a gifted athlete, especially on the soccer field. The way she read the field was unlike anything Clarke had ever seen. Well, since Bellamy that is. Madi’s father had played soccer on the same field that she was about to play on, and it didn’t get past Clarke that she now was sitting on the same bleachers that she had watched her first love, and eventual husband play soccer on for four years.  
As Clarke made her way to the field, she shook herself out of her thoughts. Tonight was not a night to mourn Bellamy. Tonight was about Madi.  
“Clarke!”  
Clarke’s eyes shot up at the sound of someone calling her name. Immediately, she found Octavia and Raven waving her down from the bleachers. With a smile, Clarke made her way over to her best friends and sat down next to them. Octavia was Bellamy’s sister, and after he died, she and Clarke had become closer than ever. Night after night for months, Octavia would show up on Clarke’s doorstep with tears streaming down her face. They pushed and pulled each other through their loss, and Clarke now considered Octavia to be her sister as well.  
Raven had been Clarke’s best friend since high school, and she was also Madi’s God-mother. Madi looked up to Raven and Octavia like they were her other mothers, and Clarke wouldn’t have it any other way. When people say it takes a village to raise a child, they mean it. Octavia and Raven were there for diaper changing, babysitting, and night shifts, and Clarke knew that she could rely on them for anything.  
“Hey, Doc.” Raven greeted, giving Clarke a warm smile.  
“Hey.”  
“How was last night?” Octavia asked.  
Clarke knew that on face value, Octavia was asking Clarke about work, but deep down she was really asking about Madi. Both Octavia and Raven had seen their fair share of Madi’s nightmares.  
“My mom said she screamed and cried most of the night. I don’t think she’s had a nightmare that bad since she was little.” Clarke sighed, clasping her hands in her lap.  
Octavia reached over and covered Clarke’s hands with her own.  
“She’ll get through it. She’s a fighter.” Octavia reassured.  
Clarke forced a smile and nodded just as the band began playing Arkadia’s fight song. Just like they had in high school, the three women stood and began clapping and cheering as the soccer team ran onto the field. As usual, Madi was the first on to the field, and she jogged directly to her position in the net. Clarke watched as Madi scanned the bleachers and jumped up and down when she saw her mother, aunt, and god-mother.  
“Go Madi!” Raven yelled, followed by a series of hoots and hollers.  
“Did she get a new jersey?” Octavia asked, glancing to Clarke.  
Madi must have known what Octavia had asked, because she immediately turned around and pointed to her back, revealing the last name Blake and the number 1. Tears immediately filled the eyes of the three women in the stands when they realized that Madi had chosen to wear her father’s old soccer jersey.  
“Fuck I love that kid.” Octavia breathed before erupting into cheers.  
Clarke swelled with pride as the game started. Madi was on fire, blocking shot after shot. Arkadia was playing the best team in the state, and thanks to Madi, they were kicking ass. There was a little over five minutes left in the game when a player from the visiting team broke away with the ball and sprinted down the field. As the rest of the players followed the ball, Madi came bursting from the net.  
“Wait, no that’s too fast.” Raven observed, slowly rising from her seat.  
In that moment, everything played out in slow-motion. Clarke, Raven, and Octavia watched in horror as players from both teams and all sides came running in on Madi, misreading her movement for the ball. The ball had been chipped toward the net, and Madi leapt for it, while four other players, all bigger and stronger than Madi jumped to hit it with their heads. Madi’s torso was pushed one way, while her legs were pulled another, and they all came crashing to the ground. As soon as Madi hit the turf, she let out a blood-curdling scream. The four players moved away from her in fear, while the coaches and athletic trainers rushed onto the field.  
When the athletes cleared, Clarke got a glimpse of her daughter sprawled out on her back, with one of her legs twisted at a sickening and unnatural angle.  
“Someone Call an ambulance!” One of the coaches had yelled.  
Without another thought, all three women stormed onto the field. Clarke was the first one there, and she pushed her way through the coaches.  
“Doctor Griffin, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened.” Monty, Madi’s best friend, and one of the players who had collided with her stammered.  
“Not now, Monty.” Clarke snapped, kneeling down by Madi, who was now laying in complete silence, her eyes wide in fear and pain.  
“Mom, it hurts.” Madi whimpered, reaching for Clarke’s hand.  
“I know, baby. I know.”  
“Clarke.” Octavia said softly, gaining the doctor’s attention.  
When Clarke noticed what Octavia had, her heart clenched. It didn’t take a surgeon to see that Madi’s leg was completely at the wrong angle. If Clarke had to guess, she would put say with confidence that Madi had dislocated her femur from her hip.  
“The ambulance is here.” Raven announced, moving Madi’s teammates out of the way so the EMTs could get through.  
Two EMTs came through with a stretcher and knelt down. Clarke glanced over at the EMT right next to her. She looked familiar, but so did every other medic in town. Clark was a trauma surgeon for god’s sake. However, she was surprised that she couldn’t place the piercing green eyes of the EMT.  
“Are you her mother?” The female EMT asked, snapping Clarke from her thoughts.  
Clarke nodded and squeezed Madi’s hand tightly.  
“I am. I’m also a doctor.”  
“Okay, good. Then you know that you need to let us do our jobs. You can ride in the ambulance, but right now we need space to work.”  
Clarke couldn’t move. Who did this woman think she was? There was no way in Hell Clarke was leaving her daughter’s side.  
“Clarke come on. We need to move.” Octavia insisted, placing her hands on Clarke’s shoulders and lifting her from the ground.  
“Mom!” Madi yelled.  
The same EMT that had told Clarke to move cut Clarke off in comforting Madi.  
“She’s still here, kid. Can you tell me your name?”  
“M-madi.”  
“Good. Nice to meet you, Madi. I’m Lexa. Can you feel your toes right now?”  
“I don’t-I don’t know.” Madi stammered.  
“Okay, that’s okay.” Lexa assured her.  
Clarke watched as Lexa calmly turned to the other EMT and gave him directions in getting Madi on the stretcher. Anger filled Clarke immediately. Did Lexa even care that Madi was in pain? Could she move any faster?  
It felt like an eternity before Madi was in the ambulance and they were on their way to the hospital. Octavia and Raven were going to meet them there, and Raven was going to make sure that Abby had been notified. Clarke rode in the ambulance, holding onto Madi’s hand as tightly as she could while watching Lexa angrily. The EMT was going about her job, completely unbothered as she monitored Madi’s vitals.  
“Are you prepared for her to go into shock?” Clarke questioned.  
Lexa looked up from her clipboard, one eyebrow cocked.  
“Excuse me?”  
“You don’t seem very worried about what could happen. She could go into shock. Or pass an embolus.”  
Luckily, Madi wasn’t paying attention to what her mother was saying.  
“I know how to do my job, Mrs. Griffin.”  
“Doctor Griffin.” Clarke corrected.  
When Lexa rolled her eyes, Clarke resisted the urge to punch her lights out. It wasn’t until Madi let out a small whimper that Clarke decided to ignore the EMT.  
“You’re gonna be okay, Little Duck. I promise.”  
“What if I can’t play anymore?” Madi cried.  
“Shhhh, don’t think about that right now. It’ll be okay.”  
Clarke spent the rest of the ride comforting Madi, not even paying attention to Lexa, who was watching her intently. When they got to the hospital, Madi was rushed to orthopedic surgery, which meant that Abby was most likely going to be scrubbing in. Clarke hoped that the news got to her already, because if Abby got into that operating room and was surprised with her granddaughter on the table, things could get ugly.  
An hour had passed, and Clarke, Octavia, and Raven were waiting impatiently in the waiting room. It wasn’t until Clarke heard the sound of work boots coming down the hall that she stopped pacing. When Lexa appeared in the waiting room and was heading directly to the nurse’s station, Clarke cut her off in her tracks.  
“Who exactly do you think you are?” Clarke challenged.  
Raven stood to stop Clarke, but she was pulled back by Octavia.  
“I’m sorry?” Lexa scoffed.  
“My daughter was in record-setting levels of pain, and you couldn’t seem to care less.” Clarke yelled, the volume of her voice gaining the attention of the nurses and other families in the waiting room.  
“Ma’am, it’s my job to be impartial and detached. If I’m overly emotional, it could cloud my judgement.”  
“What kind of judgement does it take to get someone with severely broken leg to the hospital? She could have other internal injuries that are time sensitive, and you wasted that time.”  
“Doctor Griffin, you’re upsetting the other families.” A nurse, Maya, said softly.  
“Oh, I’ll show you upsetting-“  
Both Octavia and Raven got up now and stepped between Clarke and Lexa.  
“Come on, let’s take a lap.” Octavia ordered.  
“No, O. I won’t take a lap.”  
“Clarke, you need to calm down before you get kicked out of the waiting room. Or before your boss gets down here. “  
Clarke knew they were right, but she wasn’t done ripping the EMT a new one. Harshly, Clarke pushed her way through her best friends and pinned Lexa with a look that could kill a thousand men.  
“We aren’t finished.” She insisted.  
“Wonderful.” Lexa huffed.  
Turning on her heel, Clarke marched out of the waiting room and down the hall. Raven shot Lexa and apologetic look before following Octavia and Clarke out.  
Based on what Lexa had just witnessed, if Madi was half as fiery as her mother was, she would be just fine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2!  
I just moved back to school, which means a move from the midwestern US to the coast, so please forgive how short this chapter is. I've been busy with moving and starting classes. I hope you all like it!  
Please leave a review, and thank you so much for reading.  
All love.

The rhythmic pounding of fists hitting a punching bag echoed through the ambulance garage. As each of Lexa’s fists landed on the bag, a bit of her anger simmered away. It had been a little less than an hour since she had had her encounter with Clarke in the waiting room, and she could not believe the audacity of that woman. Who did she think she was? In what world did she think it was okay to question Lexa’s ability to do her job. Lexa didn’t give a damn what kind of doctor Clarke was, she was out of line, and it pissed her off.

Lexa had no idea how long she had been up there for. All she knew was that every inch of her body was drenched in sweat regardless of the fact that she was only wearing a sports bra and shorts, and all of her muscles were screaming. It wasn’t until her coworker and best friend, Lincoln, approached the bag and braced the other side, his head poking out from the side, a cocky grin on his face.

“Still pissed about that blonde bombshell, huh?” Lincoln teased.

“Shut up, Lincoln.” Lexa hissed, accentuating her point with a well-placed kick to the bag.

“She was worried about her kid, Lex. Not to mention the woman is the best trauma surgeon in the state. I don’t think she can keep herself from stepping in.”

“_Doctor Griffin_ was out of line, not to mention she berated me in the damn waiting room.”

Lincoln nodded in understanding and chuckled.

“I see, your ego is hurt because the pretty lady told you off.”

Lexa stopped boxing and pinned Lincoln with the most intense glare he had ever endured from his lifelong best friend.

“This has nothing to do with the fact that she is attractive. It has to do with the fact that I can do my job, and she acted as though I couldn’t.”

With that, she turned on her heel and moved to the red lockers behind them, her back to Lincoln as she unwrapped her hands and threw the wraps back into her personal locker. With ease, Lincoln strode up next to her and leaned on the lockers, crossing his arms over his chest. Lexa rolled her eyes at the way he was obviously flexing his pecs, something he only did around Lexa, specifically to piss her off. If there was one thing that Lexa hated, it was cockiness.

“I bet if you go back to the hospital and ask how the kid is doing, she’ll lighten up a bit.” He proposed.

Lexa scoffed and shook her head as she pulled her grey Arkadia Fire and EMT hoodie on.

“Compromise my principal just to appease Doctor Perfect? I don’t think so. Have a good shift, Lincoln.”

After grabbing her duffel bag and slamming her locker in Lincoln’s face, Lexa turned on her heel yet again and left. As she was leaving, Lincoln called after her.

“The hospital is on your way home, remember!”

The last thing Lincoln saw as Lexa left was her middle finger raised high in the air.

* * *

Clarke couldn’t remember when the last time she had paced this much had been. In fact, she was pretty sure this was her new record. Madi had been in surgery with Abby for more than 3 hours. While Clarke’s rational brain knew that 3 hours wasn’t much for an orthopedic surgery, her mama bear instincts were still telling her to bust into the O.R. and demand to know what was taking so long.

“Clarke, come sit, please.” Raven all but pleaded, her head resting on the wall behind her.

“What’s taking so long?” Clarke wondered aloud.

“I’m sure they’re almost done. Your mom is a miracle-worker. You know that.” Octavia reassured, standing up from her chair and guiding Clarke into it by the shoulders.

“Now stay.” She insisted.

The sound of a throat clearing made all three women turn to the waiting room door, only to release a unanimous grunt of disappointment when they say Lexa standing at the door.

“Why’re you here?” Clarke asked, exasperated.

Every fiber in Lexa’s being was telling her to let the blonde have it and leave, but the smallest part of her couldn’t stand that she and Clarke had left a sour taste in each other’s mouth. She sure as hell didn’t want to be friends with the surgeon, but she didn’t want bad blood.

“I just thought I would come check on Madi on my way home.” Lexa responded, her voice strong and unwavering, but calm.

“Well, you’re just in time then.” Said a voice from behind Lexa.

Lexa stepped aside and let the newcomer into the waiting room. Clarke jumped to her feet and joined Raven and Octavia in crowding around the surgeon who had just entered. Lexa hung back, but kept her ears trained on the situation.

“Please never make me operate on my granddaughter again.” Abby announced, her voice dripping with exhaustion.

Shock hit Lexa for a split second before she took a good look at the two surgeons. After absorbing the way they both stood tall, unfaltering in their confidence, and their identical ice blue eyes, she realized that Clarke was Abby’s daughter.

“How is she, mom?” Clarke asked.

Abby sighed and took Clarke’s hands in her own.

“Madi has a dislocated hip and a fractured femur. I put a pin in her femur to stabilize it and relocated her hip. She’s in recovery now, so you can go see her one at a time.”

“What’re we looking at for recovery time? And soccer?” Raven asked, concerned.

A frown graced Abby’s lips and she shook her head.

“Her femur will heal in a few months, but there is extensive damage to her labrum. It might require a second surgery, but for now we just need to focus on letting her leg recover. Soccer is out of the picture right now.”

“Can I go see her now?” Clarke pleaded.

The cracking in Clarke’s voice gave away the fact that she was struggling to hold back tears.

“Of course. Let’s go.” Abby nodded.

After Octavia and Raven assured Clarke that they would stick around, Clarke quickly moved to follow her mother back to Madi’s room. With a sigh, Lexa found a seat in the corner of the waiting room and slouched down, completely aware of the two pairs of eyes watching her intently. Without a word, Lexa picked up a magazine and began flipping through it carelessly. She had no idea why she was staying, but something in her decided that she was.

* * *

Abby opened the door to Madi’s room, and a sob escaped Clarke’s throat. Madi was still asleep, her breathing even and her skin its usual, glowing alabaster. Her long, dark hair was fanned out on the pillow in gorgeous waves. Poking out from her light-yellow hospital blanket was a cast that Clarke knew started at her hip and went all the way down to her toes. Clarke had never seen her daughter look so small. So helpless. She wished she could take all of the pain away.

“She’s a fighter, just like her mom.” Abby whispered, placing a hand on Clarke’s shoulder and a kiss to her temple.

With a nod and another sob, Clarke carefully laid down next to Madi on the bed, putting an arm around her waist.

“I’m here, Little Duck.” She whispered. “I’m not going anywhere.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all have been so amazing and encouraging with this story. Thank you so much!  
Things are getting slightly less hectic in life, but I am still a full-time student so I am not all that sure when I will find the time to update again. I promise I am updating whenever I can.  
Again, thank you all so very much for reading and for your kind words. It means the world to me.  
Please leave a comment and let me know what you think of this chapter!   
I hope you enjoy!  
All love -C

Lexa woke to a soft nudge on the shoulder. Her head snapped up from its tilted-back position, and when her eyes adjusted and her vision became clear again, she was surprised to find Clarke standing in front of her, a cup of coffee each hand, one of them extended toward her.

“Peace offering?” Clarke prompted.

Lexa hesitated at first but took the coffee with a shy smile.

“How’s she doing?” Lexa asked before taking a generous sip of her coffee.

Clarke gave a sad, single-shouldered shrug.

“She’s still sleeping. Octavia is with her now.”

Nodding in understanding, Lexa patted the uncomfortable waiting room chair next to her.

“Sit. You look exhausted.”

Clarke did as she was told and slid down into the chair, so the back of her head was resting on the back of the chair. Her eyes drifted over to Raven, who was sleeping soundly in a chair in the middle of the waiting room.

“How’re _you_ doing?” Lexa questioned, the concern in her voice throwing Clarke off for a beat.

Clarke took a slow, deep breath and gave yet another single-shouldered shrug.

“The way Madi screamed when she hit the ground, it- it tore my heart in half. And I know that when she wakes up, she’s going to be in the most pain that she has in her life. I wish I could take it all away before she even has to feel a fraction of it.”

Clarke could feel Lexa’s emerald green eyes on her as she listened intently. She kept her eyes down, nervous to meet Lexa’s gaze due to the tears that she felt welling up.

“She’ll be okay.” Lexa consoled softly.

Clarke sniffled once and nodded quickly.

“Can we talk about something else?”

She could feel Lexa shift suddenly next to her, and she knew that she was searching quickly for a new subject.

“Pretty sure your friend over there hates me. Both of them do.” Lexa stated, motioning to Raven.

She was only half-joking, but it earned a rumble of a chuckle from Clarke, nonetheless.

“That’s Raven, she’s been my best friend since high school and she’s Madi’s godmother. The other one is Octavia, Madi’s aunt. My mom is the one who performed the surgery.”

Lexa listened intently, knowing that there was more to the story and Clarke was just deciding if she wanted to tell it or not. The blonde took a deep breath and toyed with the lid of her coffee cup as she continued to speak.

“When my husband died, they were my saving grace. Without all three of them, I never would have made it as a surgeon or as a mother.”

Immediately, Lexa became aware of the sadness that lingered in Clarke’s eyes. Originally, she had thought it to be a coldness, but now she realized that it was the by-product of losing the person she loved. Maybe even guilt. Lexa knew that the last thing Clarke wanted was pity, so she didn’t dare pity her. She did, however, feel a deep understanding of what it is like to lose someone that you love all too soon.

“Do you mind me asking how he died?”

Clarke blinked back the tears that were forming in her eyes and shook her head.

“Not at all. It’s best to talk about it, according to every therapist I’ve ever talked to.”

The blonde paused and chuckled hollowly at her attempt at an off-color joke. After clearing her throat awkwardly, Clarke spoke again.

“He died in a car accident.”

“I’m sorry you and Madi had to go through that.” Lexa’s voice was hardly above a whisper.

The tender silence of the moment between the two women ended when hurried footsteps broke both of them out of their thoughts, and their eyes drifted to the entrance of the waiting room. Octavia appeared a couple seconds later, concern written all over her face.

“She’s awake. “

Clarke shot up from her chair without missing a beat. On her way to the door, she woke Raven with a quick shake to the shoulder. Just as she was rounding the corner, Clarke stopped and turned to Lexa.

“Thank you for coming, and for the talk. I really appreciate it.”

“My pleasure. Thank you for the coffee, Doctor Griffin.” Lexa insisted with a warm smile.

“Call me Clarke.”

* * *

When Clarke strode quickly into Madi’s room, she was met by Abby standing at the foot of the bed, tapping each of the toes that were peeking out of Madi’s cast one-by-one.

“Can you feel that?” Abby asked, glancing up to her granddaughter, who was staring that ceiling with silent tears streaming down her face.

Clarke quickly made her way to Madi and wiped the tears from the girl’s cheeks before placing a lingering kiss on her forehead.

“Yes.” Madi gritted out, immediately reaching for Clarke’s hand.

Raven had come into the room a few seconds after Clarke and was now standing at the door with Octavia. They both stood stick-straight, like sentries guarding a palace.

“Can you wiggle your toes for me, sweetheart?” Abby prompted, standing up from her partially bent-over position.

They all watched as Madi’s brow furrowed in concentration, and their eyes drifted to her toes, waiting with bated breath. After a few seconds, she let out a grunt of frustration.

“It hurts.”

“All we need is a little bit of movement, Madi. You can do it.” Clarke encouraged, running her hands through Madi’s dark tangles of hair.

Once again, Madi’s brow furrowed and the room was completely silent, the tension tangible. Her big toe was the first to move after what felt like minutes rather than a couple seconds, and it was easily followed by the other four.

“Perfect.” Abby praised, marking everything down on Madi’s chart.

Softly, Abby closed the folder that held the chart and turned to face her daughter and granddaughter fully. She crossed her arms over her chest and released a sigh.

“We need to talk recovery.” She said simply.

“Why? Mom’s a doctor, too. And I see you almost every day. There isn’t a reason to explain the process.” Madi contested.

The bitterness in her daughter’s voice shocked Clarke to the core.

“Madi.” Clarke chided, her voice still loving, but firm. “Listen to your grandmother.”

Madi let out a slow breath and nodded.

“I’m sorry, Grandma.”

Abby responded with a small smile and nod, which everyone knew was full, quiet forgiveness.

“Your cast is going to have to stay on for twelve weeks.”

Madi’s grip on Clarke’s hand tightened immensely, and Clarke knew that it was both a cry for help and Madi’s attempt to keep herself from contesting.

“What happens after the cast comes off?” Clarke prompted, giving Abby an expression that pleaded for some semblance of a bright side.

The silent apology and sadness in Abby’s eyes confirmed what Clarke already knew; there was no bright side to this. The recovery was going to be long, and hard, and most likely required another surgery.

“Once the cast comes off, we will evaluate the pain in your hip and do an MRI to check the damage to your labrum. Then we’ll decide if a second surgery to repair the damage is the way to go.”

“What about soccer?” Madi choked out.

Every heart in the room broke for the little girl. Aside from her family, soccer was the thing that Madi centered her life around. If she couldn’t play, it was going to completely turn her life upside-down.

“I can’t answer that just yet, honey. I’m sorry.” Abby lamented.

Madi gave one firm, curt nod. It was a trait she had picked up from her mother. Be firm. Be resilient. Even in times of immense grief, keep all emotions in check. If there was nothing else to control, at least there was control over your reaction.

“We’ll get through this together.” Clarke comforted as she scooted into Madi’s bed and hugged her close.

Madi melted into Clarke’s arms and tears immediately began cascading down her cheeks. Clarke pulled Madi even further into her and rocked her slowly, humming softly into her ear. Eventually, her humming turned into soft, soothing singing. It was the same lullaby that she sang to Madi when she was a baby, and she still sang it whenever Madi ended up sleeping in her bed after a nightmare. Slowly, but surely, Madi drifted off to sleep aided by painkillers. Normally, Clarke would have carefully laid Madi back fully onto the bed and wished for a peaceful sleep, but tonight, she didn’t dare let go of her daughter.

It wasn’t until Octavia and Raven said goodbye and left that Clarke herself drifted off to sleep with Madi still nestled in her arms.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Here is chapter 4! Please let me know what you think! Thank you so much for all of the kind words, I really appreciate it.  
All love  
-C

Two days later, Clarke and Madi were nestled into the big, tan sectional couch in their living room. Madi’s casted leg was propped up on pillows, while the rest of her body was covered in blankets, just her eyes and above visible. Clarke laid on the couch with her head by Madi’s, her arm outstretched to soothingly run her hand through Madi’s hair. They were going on hour seven of a Disney movie marathon, and Mulan -their mutual favorite and consistent weekly movie night choice- was just beginning.

Just as the opening credits began to roll, a loud, monster-like rumble came from Madi’s stomach. The childlike giggle that Madi let out made Clarke’s heart soar. Since her injury, Madi had been quiet and reserved, much unlike her normal, spirited attitude.

“We should get some food in that stomach of yours, Little Duck.” Clarke laughed, digging into the blankets to poke Madi’s abdomen.

“But the movie is just starting!” Madi whined, reaching out to grab Clarke, who was rising from the couch and reaching for the remote.

Clarke dodged Madi’s grasp playfully and paused the movie. As she stood, Clarke put her hands on her hips and released a huff.

“We eat, then we watch Mulan.”

As if on cue, Octavia and Raven came barging into the house with pizza boxes in hand. Both women were clad in sweats, making it obvious that they had every intention of making themselves comfortable for the night.

“Now we like the sound of that!” Raven called, smiling proudly.

“Have you two ever heard of knocking?” Clarke chuckled as she walked into the foyer to grab a couple boxes from Octavia, who was struggling to balance them.

“Hush. We’re feeding you and your daughter.” Raven quipped, throwing Clarke a sly wink as she placed the boxes she was carrying on the island in the kitchen.

“Mads, we got your favorite!” Octavia announced. “Pepperoni, black olives, and extra cheese.”

Silence.

“Mads?” Octavia repeated.

The only sound that came from the living room as a response was a sudden, loud crash followed by a frustrated growl. All three women in the kitchen dropped what was in their hands back onto the counter and sprinted to the living room.

Madi was sprawled out on the floor on her back, her crutches discarded next to her. Clarke dove to the floor, checking every inch of her daughter to make sure she was unharmed.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Clarke rushed out, urgency and panic in her voice.

Madi’s face became red with frustration, and tears filled her eyes.

“I’m fine.” She seethed. “I was up, and I was fine and then my crutch got caught on the coffee table and I lost my balance.”

“Okay, lets get you up.” Octavia jumped in, assisting Clarke in pulling Madi up from the floor carefully while Raven gathered the crutches and steadied them as Madi rebalanced herself with them.

As Madi positioned herself on her crutches, her hands shook nervously. Clarke continued to keep a grip on Madi’s waist until she was given a nod and a shaky smile telling her it was okay to let go. Slowly, Madi began making her way into the kitchen.

“See? A pro already.” Octavia smiled, trying her best to lighten up the mood in the room.

Madi said nothing as she went to the kitchen and got her food. Reluctantly, she allowed Raven to help her. The three older women all tried to make lighthearted jokes to help Madi feel better, but they knew that she was embarrassed and frustrated. Much like Bellamy, when Madi was frustrated she shut down as a way of keeping herself from lashing out. After eating their dinner around the kitchen island in near silence, they all went back into the living room and got comfortable on the couch to watch the movie.

Thanks to her painkillers, Madi was sound asleep with her head on Clarke’s lap before the movie reached its midpoint, but thankfully, she had fallen asleep with a smile on her face. Clarke knew that her back was going to be royally messed up in the morning if she stayed on the couch all night, but despite that, she couldn’t bring herself to move.

As they had many, many times in the last twelve years, Octavia, Raven, Madi, and Clarke all fell asleep on the couch in a pile of limbs, pillows, and blankets with the end credits of a movie rolling on the TV screen.

* * *

Lexa really hated Saturday nights. Saturdays were the day for people to get drunk, belligerent, and most of the time, hurt. And of course, they were also the days that Lexa worked the night shift. The only bright side to working the Saturday night shift was that it was one of her shifts with Lincoln, and even that was a downside at times, depending on how bored he was and how much he wanted to piss Lexa off for entertainment. As soon as Lincoln walked into the ambulance bay and saw Lexa, he opened his damn mouth.

“Good evening, Teddy Bear.” He greeted with a shit-eating grin.

Lexa knew exactly what kind of night it was going to be.

“Don’t call me that.” Lexa grumbled, taking a long swig of her now-cold coffee.

“Why not? You don’t like being faced with the fact that you’re a big softie for one of the hottest women in Arkadia?”

Lexa pinned Lincoln with the most dangerous glare she had ever given him. For whatever odd reason, Lexa had not been able to get Clarke out of her mind since their talk at the hospital, and she found herself wondering constantly how Madi was doing. She knew full well that Clarke and Madi had a more than sufficient support system, but she couldn’t help the overwhelming urge to check on both of them.

“If you call Clarke hot one more time, I swear to God I will break your nose.”

“_Clarke_, huh?” Lincoln smirked as he tucked his navy-blue Arkadia EMT t-shirt into his utility pants. “What happened to Doctor Griffin?”

Lexa didn’t even bother to give him a response, and instead decided to start the ambulance inspection. Every single line on the form blurred together as she went through the motions of the same inspection she was required to do before every shift. Check sirens, make sure the tires were fine, verify that all equipment was present and sanitized, blah, blah, blah. For the first time ever working a night shift, Lexa hoped for a call. She needed a distraction.

A distraction from Clarke.

* * *

Clarke was 100% correct that her back would be royally screwed up if she slept on the couch. And now she was at work for a 12-hour shift, on her feet the entire time in the ER, praying that there wouldn’t be any surgeries. As the Lead Trauma Surgeon at Arkadia Hospital, it was Clarke’s job to handle any incoming traumas and decide the course of action, as well as delegate any incoming surgeries or take them on herself. Basically, she ran the ER with the help of a few very competent nurses and some extremely anxious resident surgeons.

Since it was Sunday morning and Madi didn’t have school, she was spending the day with Octavia. Octavia owned the only bar in Arkadia, which meant that she was free until the evening, and even then, she could basically take off whenever she wanted, which meant that whenever Clarke needed her, she was there. Raven, on the other hand, was the best mechanic in town and was never available during business hours and almost never on the weekends due to her high demand.

Clarke found herself checking her phone repeatedly to make sure that Octavia hadn’t called or texted, and she had every intention to call and check on Madi in a couple hours even though she knew that she would be answered with a practically audible eye-roll and an ever-so-sassy “I’m fine, Mom”.

Just as Clarke was about to check her phone yet another time, the doors of the ER burst open, and two EMTs quickly rolled someone in on a stretcher. Clarke immediately jumped into action and met them in the nearest trauma room as she called out orders to the nurses. Without stopping their actions, one of the EMTs began giving Clarke the information she needed.

“Name is Seth Matthews, 35. Fell from a second-story balcony. B.A.C 0.35.”

Clarke knew that voice.

She looked up and was met with the same emerald green eyes that she noticed on Thursday night, and they were staring right back at her.

Lexa stood stick-straight; her eyes wide when she saw that Clarke was the doctor who had met them in the trauma room.

“Clarke.” She breathed; her voice barely audible.

When both women remembered where they were, they embarrassedly shook themselves out of their mutual trance and got back to work. Clarke immediately noticed the broken bone sticking out of the patient’s arm. She looked up into the room and instructed the first nurse that she saw.

“Page orthopedics, get Doctor Griffin down here.”

The nurse nodded and went off to page Abby. Lexa watched as Clarke tended to the rest of the patient’s injuries, examining them carefully, her hands sweeping over him. They never lingered, and Lexa wondered if they even left a sensation. Clarke’s motions were so smooth, so skilled, and they mesmerized Lexa. She had never seen such focus or concentration, and she now knew that every accolade that Clarke was given by the medical community was well-deserved.

Lexa was removed from her thoughts when Abby came striding into the room, pulling on her gloves.

“Okay, I need you two to clear out. Thank you very much for your good work.” Abby ordered quickly, motioning for Lexa and Lincoln to leave.

They both did as they were told, and when Lexa turned back to get one last glimpse of Clarke, she saw that Clarke had also looked up from what she was doing, and emerald green locked with ice blue once more. Lexa wasn’t sure if she had imagined the small smile that Clarke had given her or not, but either way, it sent a warm feeling throughout her entire body.

“Jesus, drool much?” Lincoln scoffed, grabbing Lexa’s arm and pulling her ahead.

“She’s so collected. So focused. Did you see how she worked? It’s incredible.” Lexa rambled, still mesmerized.

They both pulled themselves back into the ambulance, and Lincoln started the drive back to the bay. It was the end of their shift, and that had been their last call.

“Yeah, well they don’t call her the Commander of Death for no reason, Lex.”

“_Commander of Death_?” She repeated, confused.

“You really don’t pay attention at all, do you?” Lincoln sighed. “Apparently, no matter how gone any of her patients have been, Clarke has brought them back. Not a single one of her patients has died. They call her the Commander of Death, because she brings people back to life.”

Lexa said nothing in return, she just stared out the windshield of the ambulance. If she had thought that there was any chance of getting Clarke off of her mind today, she now knew that that was not going to happen.

Lexa Woods, was in fact, absolutely screwed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, y'all. This story has effectively taken over my life. I was the gym today, and during the entire time I was lifting, all I could think about was uploading another chapter. I am 100% certain that it has everything to do with how kind you all have been, and how much you've loved this story.  
I am so glad that you all like it, and it really does mean the world to me.  
As always, I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
All love, be well  
-C

“So, are you going to tell me what that was between you and that EMT?” Abby inquired as she and Clarke scrubbed out of their 6-hour surgery.

“Lexa?” Clarke clarified, feigning ignorance. “What about her?”

Abby scoffed and shook her head while she dried her hands and pulled her white coat back on over her black scrubs.

“First, she showed up in the waiting room last week for Madi, and now she’s frozen in _your_ trauma room looking like she’s either about to pass out or start drooling on the floor of the ER.”

“Lexa was just nice enough to come make sure that Madi was okay. And as for today, she wasn’t drooling, nor did she look like she was going to pass out.”

By now, both women were walking down the quiet halls of the hospital toward the elevator. Clarke pressed the button for the main floor of the hospital, and as the doors closed, she prayed that Abby would drop the conversation.

“I beg to differ.” Abby replied.

Clarke decided not to respond, knowing that as soon as the elevator reached the main floor, she could escape.

“Clarke, all I’m saying is that I haven’t seen anyone that give you that starstruck, lost puppy look since Bellamy- “

“Do _not_ compare this to Bellamy.” Clarke warned, cutting her mother off harshly.

Immediately, Abby regretted bringing Bellamy up. She could count the number of times that Clarke had said his name in the past four years on one hand, and any time someone other than Madi brought him up, she very nearly ripped their head off.

“Honey, have you gone to talk to Doctor Jaha recently?”

Clarke gave her mother a side-eyed glance and scoffed at her question.

“I don’t need to go back to therapy, mom.” She insisted.

“Madi goes.” Abby pointed out. “Why don’t you?”

“That’s different, she lost her father.”

“And you lost your husband, Clarke.”

The elevator rang, and the doors opened, but not before Clarke’s frustration boiled over.

“Dad died ten years ago, and I don’t think you’ve _ever _gone to see anyone! So what’s your excuse?”

Abby blinked once, twice, three times before she opened her mouth to speak, only to be cut off yet again.

“I have to get back to the ER. Save your advice for someone who needs it.”

With that, Clarke stormed out of the elevator, whipping past dumbfounded nurses, and leaving her mother in her wake, shocked, hurt, and confused. Guilt started to flood Clarke’s chest the second she left the elevator, but she couldn’t bring herself to turn back around. Not only had she embarrassed both herself and Abby, but she knew that she had hurt Abby to a degree that she never had before.

Finally, Clarke had made it back to the ER and was going over recent admittance charts. There wasn’t anything that she needed to handle; a few concussions, a dislocated shoulder, and a report of severe chest pain. The patient with the dislocated shoulder had already been discharged, and the other patients had all been admitted for observation. For the first time all day, Clarke was finally able to sit down.

Just as she had gotten comfortable in the vacant desk chair and closed her eyes for a split second, the sound of someone clearing their throat and setting down a Styrofoam coffee cup made her eyes snap open.

For the second time that day, Lexa stood before her, only this time she wasn’t in her uniform, and her professional, all-serious demeanor was gone. She was clad in skin-tight, black jeans with rips in the knees and a plain, black t-shirt with the sleeves cuffed an extra time. Clarke’s eyes were immediately drawn to the black, tribal tattoo that covered Lexa’s right bicep and elbow. She could even see a bit of black ink poking out from the collar of her shirt. Lexa’s hair was swept to one side and fell in gorgeous, light brown waves. This was the first time Clarke had seen her rested, and it was definitely becoming of her.

“Lexa? What’re you doing here?”

“You look like you could use some coffee.” Lexa stated lightly as she nudged the coffee cup that she had placed on the desk closer to Clarke.

With a gracious smile, Clarke took the coffee and took a long swig, ignoring the fact that it was still scalding hot. Lexa returned the smile and took a quick sip of her own coffee to fill the moment of silence.

“Did you come here just to give me coffee?” Clarke asked, cocking an eyebrow teasingly.

Lexa chuckled and shook her head.

“I was visiting a patient in pediatrics, and I heard some nurses talking about how you were due out of surgery soon, so I figured I would make sure you were properly caffeinated since I was the one who brought you a six-hour surgery.”

“Do you make a habit of visiting all of the people you transport to the hospital?”

Clarke watched as Lexa shifted to her other foot uncomfortably and cleared her throat.

“One of my old buddies from the Army, his son Aden is receiving inpatient cancer treatment here. I come visit a couple times a week.”

Clarke’s smile tilted down ever-so-slightly, and Lexa rushed to reassure her.

“Aden’s doing well. He’s on the up and up. Kicking Leukemia’s ass.”

With a nod, Clarke corrected her smile.

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“How’s Madi feeling?” Lexa inquired.

“She’s okay. She’s spending the day with Octavia, so I’ll probably come home to a disaster area if I know anything about my daughter and her aunt.”

The way Clarke lit up when she talked about Madi, and the lighthearted chuckle that she let out when she thought of the mess that she was most likely getting into with Octavia gave Lexa butterflies. It was crystal clear that despite her semi-cold demeanor, Clarke had nothing but warmth and love for her family.

“So, you were in the Army?” Clarke prompted, snapping Lexa from her trance.

“I was, but that’s a story for another time. I should probably let you get back to work.”

Realizing that Lexa was right, and that she really needed to get a ridiculous amount of paperwork done, Clarke nodded in agreement with a reluctant sigh.

“Have a good day, Clarke.” Lexa smiled.

As Lexa started to walk away, Clarke called out and stopped her.

“Wait!” The blonde called out. “Are we just going to keep running into each other, or do you want to have some sort of intention to our interactions?”

In that moment, Clarke became very aware of how flirty her tone had been, and she kicked herself for it. Not only was she at work, but she hardly knew this woman. She also hadn’t ever discussed the possibility of seeing someone with Madi. Not that anything was going to happen between her and Lexa, anyway.

Caught off guard for a beat, Lexa faltered, but she quickly recovered and made her way back to where Clarke was sitting. Without a second thought, she reached over the desk and plucked a pen from the breast pocket of Clarke’s scrubs and wrote her number on the side of Clarke’s cup of coffee before placing the pen back in its place.

“Bye, Doctor Griffin.” Lexa said with a sly wink.

“Bye.” Clarke squeaked, her cheeks burning a bright red.

Lexa was incredibly proud that she could fluster the normally cool and collected surgeon, and it showed in the way she sauntered out of the Emergency room. The whole way to the door, she could feel Clarke’s eyes on her, and she had to admit, it was a feeling that she could get used to.

If she couldn’t get Clarke out of her head, it was only fair that she knew she was on Clarke’s mind as well.

* * *

Seven hours later, Clarke dragged herself through her front door, through the foyer, and into the living room. Madi was passed out cold on the couch, and Octavia was washing dishes in the kitchen.

“The kid has the painkiller tolerance of a gnat.” Octavia chuckled, earning a tired but sincere smile from Clarke.

As she walked by on her way to the kitchen, Clarke placed a kiss on Madi’s forehead. As soon as she sat down on a stool at the kitchen island, directly across from Octavia, Clarke dropped her head onto the counter.

“That bad of a day, huh?” Octavia teased, cocking an eyebrow.

“Lexa gave me her number.” Clarke mumbled, lifting her head an inch and dropping it back onto the counter in frustration.

“Lexa? EMT Lexa?”

“What other Lexa do I know, O?”

“Well, are you going to call her?” Octavia pressed.

“I don’t know.” Clarke groaned. “She’s sweet and brought me coffee and she visits cancer patients and asked about Madi. And she’s good at her job and she’s absolutely gorgeous-“

“Yeah, she sounds horrible. Don’t call her.”

“Octavia, help!”

With a sigh, Octavia put down the plate she was holding and leaned forward onto the counter.

“Listen, Clarke. Bell has been gone for over five years, and you haven’t been with anyone since. He would want you to be happy. I want you to be happy. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel like more than just a surgeon and a mom. Like a real human.”

“But what about Madi?” Clarke sighed, finally lifting her head off of the counter and resting it in her hands.

“Madi loves you, Clarke. There is nothing that she wants more than to see you be happy, and I think she would be more than okay with you dating again.”

“You’re going on a date?” Madi’s half asleep voice interrupted.

Clarke and Octavia both looked toward the living room, where Madi was slowly making her way toward them.

“I don’t know yet.” Clarke responded, nervous of how Madi would react.

“With who?” Madi pressed.

“Lexa.”

Confusion quickly took over Madi’s features, and Clarke watched her process the information.

“But you pissed her off in the ambulance.”

A quick, relieved laugh pushed itself out of Clarke’s lungs and she shook her head in disbelief.

“That’s the part about this that you’re confused about?”

Madi shrugged and made her way to the fridge, using one hand to pull it open and take out a bottle orange juice. Octavia took it from her, knowing that Madi wasn’t comfortable enough on her crutches yet to carry something and move.

“If you kiss girls, you kiss girls. I don’t really care as long as whoever you’re kissing isn’t a jerk.”

“Amen, sister.” Octavia agreed, sliding a glass of orange juice down the counter to where Madi was standing.

“No one said anything about kissing!” Clarke rushed, immediately blushing. “She just gave me her number.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Octavia asked, her voice going serious too quickly for Clarke’s liking.

Hesitantly, Clarke nodded.

“Are _you_ ready to start dating again?”

Clarke thought about it for a long moment and let out a deep, slow breath.

“I guess there’s only one way to find out.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo.... here's another chapter. It's 1:30 and I'm definitely tired to the point of being delusional, but its very worth it.  
This chapter is very dialogue heavy, and gets a tiny bit emotional, so I hope y'all like it.  
The song in it is Rainbow Connection. If you want to listen to the version that inspired this chapter, listen to the Sleeping At Last version.  
For the conversation with Clarke and Lexa, I put Lexa's dialogue in italics since they're on the phone. I thought it would make it easier to distinguish who's saying what.  
Please let me know what you think!  
All love  
-C

It was well past a reasonable time of night by the time Clarke got up the nerve to actually use Lexa’s number. For hours, she had been tossing and turning in bed, occasionally turning onto her side to stare at the empty coffee cup that was sitting on her nightstand, Lexa’s phone number staring back at her mockingly. Clare hadn’t even realized she had sent the text until approximately three seconds after she hit the send button.

“Shit.” She whispered, staring at the text on the screen of her phone.

‘_Hey, it’s Clarke. You awake?’_

Rolling her eyes at her own stupidity, she pressed the lock button on her phone, causing the time to shine brightly in her face.

1:37 A.M.

“Jesus, now she’s going to think it’s a booty call.” Clarke groaned to herself, pinching the bridge of her nose.

She was really, really bad at this.

A few agonizing minutes later, her phone vibrated…but it _kept vibrating_. Lexa was _calling her._ Panic immediately set in, and Clarke took whatever semblance of a deep breath that she could before she answered.

“Hello?”

_“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” _Lexa’s sleepy, definitely-just-woken-up voice responded.

“Shit, Lexa I didn’t mean to wake you up. I’m sorry. Go back to sleep.”

_“Why aren’t you sleeping, Clarke?”_ Lexa pushed, concern in her voice.

Clarke heard Lexa shifting on the other end of the line, most certainly moving into a sitting position in order to stay awake.

“Too much on my mind, I guess.” Clarke conceded.

_“Do you want to talk about it?”_

“When is your next shift?” Clarke questioned, knowing that Lexa should still be asleep instead of talking to her.

_“That’s not important.”_

“Lexa…”

_“Clarke.”_

Clarke released a slow sigh and chuckled.

“You’re stubborn as hell, you know.”

_“You’ll learn to find it endearing.”_

“Or maybe it’ll be a pain in the ass.”

Lexa didn’t respond, and Clarke knew that it was because she was waiting for Clarke to tell her what was on her mind.

“I said something really terrible to my mother today and I’m not sure how to make it better.”

_“Well, what did you say?”_

“I basically told her that she doesn’t get to give me advice about my dead husband if she isn’t going to do the same about hers.”

Clarke listened as Lexa took a deep, contemplative breath before speaking.

_“I really think the only thing you can do is apologize and have a discussion with her about it.”_

“She was so hurt, Lexa. I could see it in her eyes. I can’t believe I did that.”

_“We all have our moments, Clarke. This was one of yours.”_

“How ever did you get so wise, Miss…?”

Clarke’s sentence trailed off when she realized that she didn’t know Lexa’s last name.

_“Woods.”_ Lexa filled in.

“Lexa Woods. I like it.”

_“You’re nice when you’re sleepy.”_ Lexa chuckled, sending a whirlwind of butterflies into Clarke’s stomach and chest.

“I am always nice!” She contested, trying to hide her nervousness.

All that Lexa gave in response was a non-committal grunt.

“If I wasn’t nice, would I be inviting you to dinner on Sunday night?”

_“Well, you haven’t invited me yet, so…”_

“Jesus, you really are a pain in my ass.”

_“I would love to come to dinner, Clarke. Your place I’m guessing?”_

“You guessed right. Madi will have some questions for you before we’re authorized to have unsupervised outings.” Clarke joked.

The bright laugh that her joke earned from Lexa made Clarke’s head spin.

“_Well, I’ll make sure to impress.”_

“Good.”

No matter how much she fought it, a yawn escaped Clarke’s lips.

_“Go to sleep.”_ Lexa insisted. _“I’ll talk to you soon.”_

“Goodnight, Lexa.” Clarke hummed, her smile evident in her voice.

_“Goodnight, Clarke.”_

Not five minutes after Clarke shut her eyes, the piercing scream that came from down the hall sent her scrambling to her feet in the dark. Clarke had done the sprint from her room to Madi’s about a hundred times in the past five years, and it never got any easier. Madi continued to scream, and when Clarke burst into her room and turned on the light, she found Madi sitting straight up in bed with tears streaming down her face, hyperventilating. There was no thought to any of Clarke’s movements, just pure instinct. She immediately went to Madi and wrapped her in her arms, conscious of not jostling Madi’s leg.

“You were dead. I couldn’t save you, Mom. You were gone.” Madi sobbed, her breathing becoming more and more uncontrollable.

“I’m right here, baby. I’m okay. Everything is okay.” Clarke cooed, holding Madi as tightly into her as she could, rocking her slowly and running a hand through her daughter’s hair.

“But I couldn’t get to you- “ Madi gasped. “You were- “

Madi’s voice was violently cut off by gasps and wheezes, and she clutched at her chest as she fought for air. Alarmed, Clarke pulled away and sat so she was directly in front of Madi. It had been years since Madi’s last panic attack, and this one came on much more suddenly than they ever had before. Clarke took one of Madi’s hands and placed it over her own heart, and the other on Madi’s.

“Do you feel that?” Clarke soothed. “My heart is beating. I’m right here. I’m with you.”

Madi nodded, attempting to regain control of her breathing.

“Breathe with me, Madi.”

Slowly, Clarke inhaled as much air as she could, and exhaled. Madi still struggled to do the same, so she did it again, and another time, until their breathing was matched up perfectly, and Madi’s sobs and wheezes had turned into hiccups and silent tears.

“That’s my girl.” Clarke praised, once again pulling Madi into her arms and rocking her back and forth.

“Can you sing?” Madi asked shyly.

“Of course. Any requests?”

When she felt Madi shake her head “no” against her shoulder, Clarke thought for a moment before the right song came to mind. Quietly, she began singing, smiling when she felt Madi relax into her completely.

_“Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side?_  
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions  
And rainbows have nothing to hide  
So we've been told, and some choose to believe it  
I know they're wrong wait and see

_Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection_  
The lovers, the dreamers and me  
Who said that wishes would be heard and answered  
When wished on the morning star?

_Someone thought of that and someone believed it_  
Look what it's done so far  
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing  
And what do we think we might see?

_Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection  
The lovers, the dreamers and me”_

Clarke didn’t even make it halfway through the song before Madi was sound asleep once again. Carefully, Clarke laid Madi back down against her pillows and tucked her in. Although it pained her to do so, Clarke knew that it was best for Madi if she went back to her own bed for the night. After making sure that Madi was definitely not waking back up, Clarke gave her a kiss on the forehead and headed back to her room. She crawled into bed and took a deep breath before her own tears started to fall. She missed Bellamy, and she wanted to scream her apology to Abby from every rooftop in Arkadia, and the guilt for having whatever it was she had with Lexa was rearing its ugly head. Clarke knew that she deserved to be happy, and she knew that Lexa had the potential to make that happen, at least for a little while. But moving on from Bellamy was the final acknowledgement and acceptance that he wasn’t going to come walking through the front door after work one day. It was acceptance that the past five years had been much more than some cruel dream.

Clarke knew that it was time to move on and let go, but she didn’t know that it would be this hard.

* * *

“Can I talk to you?” Clarke requested, her voice quiet and filled with remorse.

Abby turned away from her paperwork to face Clarke, and her heart broke. Dark circles sat under Clarke’s eyes, contrasting deeply against her fair skin. Clarke’s red eyes told Abby that she had been crying, and her hair wasn’t put up in the flawless bun that it usually was. Instead, strands of hair fell around her face, and it looked like it had been done in a wind tunnel.

Wordlessly, Abby nodded and lead Clarke into a break room, locking the door behind them for privacy. Clarke said nothing, she just threw herself into her mother’s arms and held on for dear life. Without missing a beat, Abby hugged her back.

“I’m so sorry.” Clarke whispered.

“I know, honey. I know.”

“Can you forgive me?”

Abby pulled away and looked Clarke directly in the eyes, her hands resting lightly on Clarke’s shoulders.

“I already have.”

A grateful sob escaped Clarke’s lips, and Abby wiped away the few tears that had spilled over from her daughter’s eyes.

“What else is wrong, Clarke?”

Clarke hesitated and swallowed hard.

“Am I a horrible person for wanting to date again?” She asked.

“Not at all. It’s been five years, Clarke. You deserve to find someone else.”

“That’s what Madi and Octavia said.”

Abby gave Clarke a small smile and a nod.

“Well, they’re both right. Let me guess, Lexa?”

A small fraction of a laugh made its way from Clarke’s chest, she smiled tearfully and nodded.

“She’s coming over for dinner on Sunday. I want Madi to meet her again. Make sure that she feels included.” Clarke explained.

She hesitated slightly, then spoke again.

“Am I doing the right thing, mom?”

“Does Lexa make you happy?

“She does.” Clarke responded, without hesitation this time.

“Well, then.” Abby sighed. “I guess we’ll have to figure out what you’re going to wear.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I'm sorry for the wait.  
School has fried my brain and I don't know how to form a coherent sentence, let alone a solid plot.   
With that being said, I really hope you like this chapter. I think it turned out halfway decent, even though its a little short.  
Please let me know what you think.  
I hope you're all well.  
All love  
-C

A week had passed, and Sunday had rolled around a little too quickly for Clarke’s liking. Her week had been hectic, and she had hardly talked to Lexa at all. The only time she even got to have what so much as resembled a conversation with Lexa was when she had wheeled a 96-year-old woman with a shattered hip into Clarke’s ER. Madi had gone back to school and came home exhausted and in pain every day. If it were up to Clarke, Madi would have stayed home for a couple more days, but Abby, Raven, and Octavia had convinced her that Madi would be just fine.

Now it was Sunday and she was reeling from the hellish week that had gone by, wishing she still had more time to process the fact that she had a date with a gorgeous woman who was going to be knocking on her door in a matter of minutes.

“What am I doing? I should cancel.”

Clarke paced the length of her kitchen, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth nervously. She was dressed casually in a white blouse and skinny jeans. Her hair fell in its natural waves just past her shoulders, and she wore minimal makeup.

“Clarke. Breathe.” Raven sighed, stepping in front of her best friend, cutting off her path and grabbing her by the shoulders. “It’s just dinner, yeah?”

“Just dinner.” Clarke agreed.

The sound of Madi’s crutches clicking against the hardwood floor gained Clarke and raven’s attention, and their eyes drifted to the kitchen entryway. Madi was still having a hard time getting around the house, to the point where both Clarke and Abby had propositioned that she use a wheelchair. Of course, Madi refused. The way her brow furrowed in concentration and her jaw clenched in frustration broke Clarke’s heart on a daily basis. She could tell that Madi was having the most difficult time of her life, and here Clarke was, having a date over for dinner.

“I really should cancel.” Clarke stated, yet again.

Madi’s eyes shot up from where they were concentrating on the floor, and she shook her head.

“What? No! Lexa is going to be here any minute, mom.”

“Madi, honey it’s been a long day- “

“Mom, I’m fine. And you’ve been looking forward to this all week. I know you have. Please, put yourself first for once.”

Clarke stared at her daughter, unable to form a coherent response to what Madi had said. Raven slid off of where she sat one the kitchen counter and ran over to place an ever-so-dramatic kiss on the side of Madi’s head.

“Kid, I fucking love you. You know that?”

Madi rolled her eyes at Raven, but smiled, nonetheless.

“Yeah, Aunt Raven. I know.”

As Raven kissed Madi’s head on more time, and just as she pulled away, the doorbell rang.

“That’s my cue to leave.” Raven announced.

She bounced over to Clarke and gave her a crushing hug, earning a breathless laugh from the blonde.

“You’ll be great.”

After giving Clarke one last good squeeze and a sloppy kiss on the cheek, Raven practically ran to the front door. She swung it open with a brilliant smile, revealing a wide-eyed Lexa on the other side.

“Hi. Raven, right?” Lexa greeted, lifting her chin confidently and sticking her hand out for Raven to shake.

Raven grabbed Lexa’s hand and formed it into a fist before tapping their knuckles together. Lexa’s eyes drifted over Raven’s shoulder, where they locked on Clarke, who was walking towards them, blushing at her best friend’s behavior.

“Raven, I swear to God if you- “Clarke started.

“What? Tell Lexa about the time you mooned the entire baseball team in high school? I would never.”

“Gross! Mom why would you do that?” Madi’s voice called from the kitchen.

Lexa couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up from her chest.

“Out. Leave. Go. Scram.” Clarke ordered, lightly pushing Raven past Lexa and out the door.

Raven lifted her hands in surrender and took a bow before jogging down the walkway and heading to her Jeep. Once she was gone, Clarke’s eyes moved to Lexa, who was smiling brilliantly.

“So, that’s Raven.” Clarke chuckled, ushering Lexa in.

“Is she always so…?”

“Yes.”

“And the baseball team?” Lexa teased.

Clarke’s cheeks burned a vibrant pink and she ducked her head in embarrassment.

“I did it on a dare.”

Lexa hummed her understanding as she shrugged off her leather jacket, leaving her in a navy-blue button up and black skinny jeans. Clarke took her jacket and hung it by the door before leading Lexa into the kitchen, where Madi had perched herself up on a bar stool. Since her cast went to her hip and was bulky, she was sitting in an awkward position, and Clarke grimaced.

“Madi, love, at least prop your foot up, okay?”

Madi sighed and attempted to lift her casted leg onto the stool next to her. She got about halfway before she grunted in frustration and dropped her leg back down. Before Clarke could step in to help, Lexa had breezed past her to where Madi was.

“You good if I give you a hand?” Lexa asked softly.

Madi nodded silently. She and Lexa shared a quick glance before Lexa counted to three and slowly lifted Madi’s leg onto the barstool.

“Thanks.” Madi murmured, averting her eyes.

Lexa nodded and turned to Clarke, who was watching them carefully. When Lexa’s eyes locked with hers, Clarke snapped herself out of her thoughts and cleared her throat before quickly walking into the kitchen and checking over what was cooking on the stove.

“So, I hope pasta is okay for dinner. We didn’t really get a chance to talk this week, so I didn’t know what you like but I figured everyone likes pasta so- “

“Pasta sounds great.” Lexa smiled, interrupting Clarke’s nervous rambling.

Clarke gave Lexa a grateful smile, which was returned with ease. An awkward silence fell over the room as Clarke stirred the pasta sauce and watched Madi uncertainly. Madi was picking at her nails, pretending she was anywhere but there. Lexa’s eyes moved from Clarke, to Madi, and then back to Clarke. This was going downhill fast, and she knew that if she didn’t speak up now, it would only get worse.

“So, Madi.” Lexa started, moving so she was leaning against the kitchen island. “I know you’re quite the soccer star, but what other things do you like to do?”

Madi’s head snapped up from her intense concentration on her cuticles at the sound of her name, shocked that Lexa had chosen to speak to her instead of Clarke.

“Um, I like to draw, I guess.” Madi shrugged.

“She’s a phenomenal artist.” Clarke added, smiling fondly.

“You’re ten times better than I am, mom.” Madi scoffed.

“I’m just old. I’ve had more practice.”

Lexa watched the exchange between mother and daughter with a warm smile. It was obvious that Madi was the center of Clarke’s world, and it warmed her heart to see.

“So, you’re telling me that I’m in the presence of not one, but two, phenomenal artists?” Lexa clarified.

Madi nodded proudly.

“Mom even had a piece in a gallery once.”

Lexa’s impressed gaze landed on Clarke, who rolled her eyes and scoffed.

“That was a hundred years ago.” She laughed.

“Lies. It was like six years ago.” Madi argued. “Some rich person in New York bought it. Grandma still talks about it all the time.”

“I am very impressed, Doctor Griffin.”

“It’s not a big deal.” Clarke sighed, dipping a spoon into the sauce in front of her and holding it out to Lexa.

“Taste.” She ordered.

Lexa took the spoon and did as she was told, humming in approval immediately.

“Wow. That’s incredible, Clarke.”

“Griffin family recipe.” Madi affirmed.

“Everything’s ready.” Clarke announced. “Madi you go sit down and I’ll bring you your plate.”

A brief moment of frustration flashed over Madi’s face, and Lexa felt for her. She could see how much it bothered Madi that she couldn’t do things for herself. And she knew that Madi was biting her tongue to hold back a refusal for help. Without saying a word, Madi pulled her casted leg off of the stool and slid awkwardly off of the other, so she balanced on one foot momentarily as she grabbed her crutched. Lexa watched carefully, ready to jump in if Madi stumbled. Luckily, Madi was able to situate herself fairly smoothly and began making her way into the dining room.

“Would you mind opening a bottle of wine?”

Clarke nodded her head in the direction of the wine rack, and Lexa quickly made her way to it.

“Any preferences?” Lexa asked, eyeing each label.

“Whichever one you like.”

After a few seconds of contemplation, Lexa grabbed a bottle of red wine and popped the cork. She followed Clarke into the dining room and grabbed a spot at the table next to Madi and across from Clarke. A couple minutes passed as they ate dinner before Clarke spoke up.

“Lexa, what made you want to become an EMT?”

Lexa took a sip of her wine and wiped her mouth with a napkin before taking a deep breath.

“It just seemed like a logical choice. I was a medic in the Army, so I already had the training and I’m good at it, so I figured it was the way to go.”

“Why aren’t you in the Army anymore?” Madi asked.

Lexa laughed awkwardly and ran a hand through her hair.

“Uh, I got shot in combat. Medical discharge.”

“Lexa, I had no idea- “Clarke started, only to be cut off by Lexa waving her hand dismissively.

“It’s alright. I recovered just fine. I’m good as new now.”

Yet another awkward silence filled the room, and this time it persisted. All three of them attempted to make polite conversation, but each interaction died quickly. They finished dinner and Lexa helped clean up while Madi relaxed on the couch. Halfway through dinner, Madi had gotten far too quiet, and her jaw clenched to tightly that Lexa thought Madi’s head was going to explode. Clarke had noticed immediately and gave Madi a painkiller, which Madi reluctantly took. It wasn’t five minutes before Madi was fast asleep.

“I should let you take care of Madi.” Lexa stated once the kitchen was clean.

“Are you sure? We can talk in the dining room if you’d like.”

Lexa gave Clarke a small, knowing smile, and Clarke released a heavy breath.

“Tonight was- “Lexa started.

“Awkward as hell.”

Lexa nodded in agreement and both women laughed lightly. Once the laughter died, Clarke gave Lexa an apologetic glance.

“I was going to cancel, but Raven and Madi convinced me not to.” She admitted.

Lexa nodded in understanding and shoved her hands in her pockets.

“I’m just not ready to be with anyone. Not yet, at least.” Clarke added.

“I can respect that.”

“I really am sorry, Lexa. I thought I was ready- “

“Hey, it’s okay.” Lexa insisted, shaking her head. “You need to do what’s best for you and Madi, and if you don’t think dating is what’s best, then it’s off the table.”

“Why can’t you just be an asshole? It would make this a lot easier.” Clarke laughed.

Clarke walked Lexa to the door, and started to apologize again, but Lexa cut her off.

“If you ever decide you’re ready, you have my number.”

“Friends?” Clarke propositioned, earning a nod from Lexa.

“Friends.”

With that, Lexa pulled her jacket on and made her way out the door. Clarke watched as she pulled away in her old, beat up Bronco before closing the door. With a sigh, Clarke let her head fall forward onto the door and her eyes fluttered shut.

“Mom?”

Clarke lifted her head and turned towards the living room, where Madi’s head was poking out from the top of the couch. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were barely open, and Clarke’s heart melted. With a smile, Clarke made her way into the living room and sat down next to Madi and patted her lap. Immediately, Madi laid her head on Clarke’s lap and Clarke’s hands found their way into Madi’s hair.

“Lexa’s nice.” Madi stated.

“Mhm, that she is.”

“Hey, mom?”

“Yes?” Clarke hummed.

“I meant what I said about putting yourself first. I want you to be happy, too.”

A lump formed in Clarke’s throat and tears burned at the back of her eyes.

“I am happy, Little Duck. I have you and grandma, Raven and Octavia. I have all I need.”

“You have Lexa, too.” Madi added. “I like her. I think she’ll be a good friend.”

Clarke smiled and nodded.

“I think so too.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I am sorry about the delay in this chapter. I have been focusing on school. I'm a junior in college, and I am also prepping for the LSAT, so I have a lot on my plate and my writing has fallen through the cracks. I really appreciate how patient you all have been.   
I am going to try to find more time in my schedule to write this story, as well as my other fic. I'm not sure when I'll get to updating, but I'm considering making an update schedule or picking a day of the week to post. I just need to make sure that I can commit to a posting day.  
Again, thank you all for being so patient and kind.  
I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
All love, stay wonderful  
-C
> 
> WARNING: This chapter has graphic description of violence. We get a glimpse into Lexa's time in the Army. Also mention of PTSD.

Just like she did every Wednesday, Lexa strode into the pediatric wing of Arkadia General Hospital. The day was just approaching late morning, so Lexa was one of the only visitors on the floor. When she made her way past the reception desk, she gave a quick wave to the receptionist, Maya.

“Good morning, Lexa.” Maya greeted in her usual, chipper tone.

“Morning, Maya.”

Lexa continued down the hall, her work boots squeaking quietly against the linoleum floor. When she finally reached the same hospital room that she spent every Wednesday morning in, Lexa knocked lightly on the door.

“Come in, Lexa.”

Smiling to herself, Lexa opened the door and moved into the hospital room. Her eyes immediately landed on the ten-year-old boy laying in the hospital bed. His skin was so pale that it was almost translucent, and his body was frail to the point that Lexa was hesitant to hug him due to fear of breaking him. Dark circles were prominent under his sunken-in eyes, and the US Army stocking cap that Lexa had given him years ago was covering the head that Lexa knew was void of hair. Regardless of how run-down the boy looked, he greeted Lexa with a radiant smile.

“Lexa!”

Lexa moved across the room slowly and gingerly pulled the little boy into a hug, placing a quick kiss on the crown of his head.

“Hey, Aden. How’re you feeling?”

“I’m alright.” Aden responded unconvincingly.

Lexa’s eyes drifted to Aden’s mother, Echo, who was sitting in the armchair that the nurses had moved into Aden’s room six months ago, as soon as they realized that Echo was going to be a constant presence in her son’s room. Paperwork was spread out across Echo’s lap, and her glasses framed her exhausted eyes.

At one point, Echo had been one of the most prominent lawyers in Arkadia. She was a crusader in the court room. But when Aden was diagnosed with cancer, she had moved to legal consulting so she could work from the hospital whenever needed. Lexa moved to Echo and gave her a solid hug. The way Echo clung to her a little bit longer than usual sent a wave of concern through Lexa.

When Echo let go, Lexa straightened and looked back to Aden with a soft smile.

“What’re you feeling up to doing today?” She asked.

Aden hesitated for a moment, looking down at his hands and chewing his bottom lip. Lexa furrowed her brow and took a step closer to the bed.

“What’s up, bud?”

“Can you tell me a story about my dad?” Aden asked, looking to Lexa with a hopeful, yet cautious gaze.

“Aden, honey, you know that isn’t something Lexa- “Echo started, but Lexa waved her off softly.

Lexa pulled a chair up to the side of Aden’s bed and sat down, leaning back and clasping her hands in her lap. She squeezed her hands together tightly, trying to hide the way they had started to shake.

When she caught the way Echo was eyeing her closely, Lexa forced a smile and cleared her throat.

“So…” She started. “As you know, your dad and I were stationed in Afghanistan together. I was a medic, and he was a cavalry scout.”

“Lincoln was there too, right?” Aden asked.

Lexa smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, bud. Your dad, Lincoln, and I were all there together. That’s how we met.”

Lexa began telling Aden stories of his father, and he listened intently. When she told him about the time Roan had helped her when she got stuck at the top of an obstacle wall, he laughed brightly. When she told him about Roan buying food for a homeless family in Kandahar, Echo cried silently, and Lexa fought back tears of her own. By the time she was halfway through a third story, Aden’s eyes were closing, and he was fast asleep within seconds.

Once she realized that Aden had had enough for the day, Lexa stood from her chair, pulled Aden’s blanket over him, and tucked him in before kissing his forehead.

“Can we talk?” Echo asked, standing form her chair as well.

Lexa nodded wordlessly and followed Echo into the hallway, closing the door behind them softly.

“Aden needs another round of chemo.” Echo announced, her voice cracking with tears.

“What?” Lexa croaked. “But he was doing so well. I thought they were going to let him go home soon?”

Tears began streaming down Echo’s face freely, and she wrapped her arms around herself tightly.

“The doctor ran more tests, and his blood cell count is down again.” Echo explained. “Lexa… before he can start treatment, he needs a bone marrow transplant.”

“Okay, so what can I do?”

“I wouldn’t ask this of you unless it was absolutely necessary, but I’m not a candidate for donation, and if Aden gets put on a list it could be months until they find a match, and- “

Lexa pulled Echo into a tight hug, effectively cutting off her rambling. Echo clung to her, her tears soaking through Lexa’s shirt in seconds.

“I’ll get tested. Maybe I’m a match. I’ll talk to Lincoln, too.” Lexa whispered, hugging Echo tighter.

“You’re our savior, Lexa. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Echo pulled away from the hug and wiped the tears from her cheeks. Lexa gave her a soft smile and swallowed the lump in her throat.

“I promised Roan that I’d watch after you both.”

“He’d be proud of you, Lexa.” Echo insisted. “He loved you like a sister. I want you to know that.”

Lexa’s heart constricted, and she pulled in a quick breath.

“I loved him too, Echo. He was my brother.”

Two hours later, after she had gotten her blood drawn for testing and made sure that Echo had everything she needed, Lexa stumbled out of the hospital. She managed to get herself to a bench before the air left her lungs and the sound of gunshots in the back of her mind came to the forefront.

* * *

**Two years prior**

**Kandahar, Afghanistan**

Lexa had always assumed that when the world came to an end, it would happen slowly.

She was wrong.

Lexa, Lincoln, Jasper, and Roan had been chatting light-heartedly on their way back to base. The desert expanded for miles in any direction, and this was the one point in the day that Lexa allowed her guard down.

It had been a normal day. Temperatures well over 100 degrees, blue skies, and absolutely no breeze. Sweat drenched every single inch of her body, and she had sand in her teeth, although she had no idea how it got there. Lincoln had insisted that he got the front seat, and Jasper drove, which meant that Lexa and Roan were crammed in the back. Jasper had stolen a portable speaker and an iPod from base and had insisted on playing music on the drive back. If their unit command found out, they would without a doubt be doing sprints in the middle of the desert later, but it was something they were willing to risk.

Lincoln sang along horribly to Whitney Houston, and Lexa couldn’t help but laugh at Jasper’s pitiful attempt to harmonize.

Lexa’s attention was pulled away from the music when Roan tapped her on the arm. She turned to him, and he pointed out the window.

“Woods…. What’s that?” He asked.

Lexa peered out the window and her blood ran cold. Speeding across the desert at full force, heading directly toward them, was a green pickup truck. The bed of the truck had four figures standing in it, and Lexa could tell by the makeshift uniforms that they were wearing, that they were part of a radical group. The machine guns propped to the roof of the truck let her know that they most definitely were not about to let the four soldiers pass through.

“Jasper get us out of here. Now!” Roan ordered.

Realizing what was happening, Jasper pushed the gas pedal down as hard and as far as he could, but Humvees weren’t known for their speed, and the pickup was quickly gaining on them.

“Fuck.” Lincoln hissed, pulling the strap of his gun off from around his torso.

Roan did the same and looked to Lexa.

“We’re gonna be just fine, kid.” He assured her.

Lexa nodded and prepped her gun just like Lincoln and Roan had. Everything that followed happened so quickly that Lexa wasn’t even sure if she had taken a breath the entire time.

The pickup of radicals nearly collided with the Humvee, and Jasper had to option other than to stop. Immediately, the men in the back of the truck began shooting at them. As bullets struck the windshield, cracks that reminded Lexa of spiderwebs spread across the glass.

“We have to get out!” Lincoln yelled, kicking his door open.

As soon as Lincoln was on the ground, he began returning fire around the edge of the door. Lexa was the next one out of the vehicle. Instead of jumping from the Humvee and to the ground, Lexa stood in the door and propped her gun on the top of the vehicle. The four of them shot at the six men in the truck for what Lexa eventually realized was about an hour.

As soon as the driver of the pickup truck tossed a grenade into the void between the two vehicles, Lexa could no longer see Roan’s figure out of the corner of her eye. Instead, she saw him sprinting toward the grenade.

“Frost, don’t!” Lexa yelled.

She watched in horror as a bullet tore through Roan’s leg. Despite being shot, Roan continued toward the grenade and grabbed it, launching it back toward the pickup truck. It exploded in the air, killing one of the radicals and sending Roan flying back toward the Humvee.

Lexa sprang into action and jumped down from the vehicle. She crawled under the Humvee and found Roan laying in the sand, his eyes on her.

“Get out of here, Woods.” He coughed.

“Lexa, what the fuck are you doing?” Lincoln yelled.

Lincoln’s question was immediately followed by a sputter from Jasper as a bullet sliced through his neck.

“Jasper!” Lexa screamed, hardly recognizing her own voice.

The image of Jasper falling to the ground with half of his jaw missing was one that Lexa would never be able to get out of her head.

“Lexa.”

Lexa’s attention was pulled back to Roan, who was reaching for her.

“I’m here. You’re going to be fine.” Lexa rushed.

Roan’s features had slackened, and his eyes had glazed over. He was watching Lexa with a blank expression as she tended to the bullet wound in his leg.

“Tell Echo and Aden that I’m sorry.” He wheezed.

“You shut up.” Lexa barked. “You’re going to get to tell them whatever the hell you want, Frost.”

When Lincoln let out a pained groan, Lexa felt panic settle deep into her chest. She expected him to fall to the ground beside her, but he stayed standing. Lexa afforded herself one glance up at her best friend and saw that he had been hit in the arm.

“Lincoln.” She gritted.

“I’m fine. Worry about Frost.” He insisted.

Lexa knew that he wasn’t going to be able to hold them off much longer.

“Woods, it’s no use.” Roan said softly, reaching down and grabbing her blood covered hand.

Lexa swatted his hand away and shook her head.

“I’m fixing this. It’s my job.”

As blood pooled below them, a sob tore from Lexa’s throat. She knew that there was no way Roan was making it out of this.

“Promise me something.” Roan requested, causing Lexa to look up from his wound and meet his eyes. “Promise me you’ll take care of them. Of Echo and Aden.”

“Roan, I- “

“Promise me, Lexa.” He pleaded, a single tear rolling down his cheek. “Promise me you’ll get out of here alive and you’ll take care of them.”

As her own tears cascaded down her cheeks, Lexa nodded. She grabbed the hand that Roan offered her and squeezed it tightly.

“I promise.”

Roan gave her a forced smile and dropped his head into the sand.

“Love you, kid.” He breathed.

When Roan’s grip on her hand went slack, Lexa’s heart stopped.

“Hey, no. Wake up.” Lexa pleaded, shaking him roughly. “Roan! Wake up!”

When she checked his pulse and found nothing, Lexa felt something in her break. Her blood ran cold, and an anger that she had never felt before burned in her chest. With what could only be described as a primal yell, Lexa removed the knife from the sheath strapped to her thigh and sprinted towards the pickup truck.

“Lexa, no!”

Lincoln had managed to kill four of the six men, and the two remaining gunmen were now firing directly at Lexa. As soon as she stepped in between the two vehicles, she felt a searing pain in her hip, and then another in her shoulder. Adrenaline kept her on her feet, and by the time she was halfway to the pickup, Lincoln had shot one of the two gunmen.

Lexa saw red. She jumped into the bed of the pickup truck, and before the gunman could even react, her knife was in the side of his neck. Lexa looked into his eyes as she removed the knife, and the sound of a strangled groan reached her ears. Realizing what she had just done, Lexa stumbled back and fell out of the bed of the truck, landing on her back in the sand.

The last thing she remembered before everything went black is Lincoln running toward her, and the sound of Aerosmith coming from Jasper’s speaker, cutting into the deafening silence of the desert.

* * *

**Present day**

When Clarke walked out of the hospital into the cool, crisp autumn day, she smiled. The blue sky and gentle breeze were exactly what she needed after working the night shift. Normally, she wouldn’t have worked on a Tuesday night, but she had gotten called in last minute.

As she walked to her car, a familiar figure in the corner of her eye caught her attention.

Clarke stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Lexa sitting on a bench with her head in her hands, rocking back and forth. Lexa was wearing her uniform, which made sense. She had also worked the night shift, having brought in several patients to the ER just hours before.

“Lexa?” Clarke called.

When Lexa didn’t react, Clarke began walking towards her. As she got closer, she could hear Lexa murmuring to herself as she continued to rock back and forth.

“My name is Alexandria Woods, I’m in Arkadia. I’m an EMT. I’m home. I’m safe.”

Cautiously, Clarke knelt down in front of Lexa, placing her hands on Lexa’s knees and squeezed lightly. She had done a rotation in a VA hospital during medical school. She could spot a PTSD episode from a mile away.

“Lexa.” Clarke cooed, reaching up and lightly pulling away the hands shielding Lexa’s face.

Lexa looked up, her empty gaze falling on Clarke’s face. Clarke watched carefully as Lexa blinked twice and swallowed hard.

“C-Clarke?” She stammered.

“Hey.” Clarke smiled, taking Lexa’s shaking hands into her own. “You’re okay. You’re safe.”

“I’m at the hospital.” Lexa stated, earning a nod of confirmation from Clarke. “It’s Wednesday. I was visiting Aden.”

“Mhmm.” Clarke hummed. “And you had a long shift before that.”

Lexa nodded in agreement and looked down at their joined hands.

“Does this happen often?” Clarke inquired, concern evident in her voice.

Lexa shrugged and blinked away the tears that were forming in her eyes.

“Some days are just harder than others.”

Clarke nodded in understanding and pulled her water bottle out of the side pocket on her backpack. When she offered it to Lexa, Lexa shook her head.

“I’m okay.” Lexa insisted.

Clarke cocked a brow and continued to hold the water bottle out.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you that moms have a built-in lie detector?” She teased. “Drink.”

Reluctantly, Lexa took the water and took a long swig, earning a smile of approval from Clarke. They stayed like that for a few minutes as Clarke allowed Lexa to fully regain her composure.

“Where’s your car?” Clarke asked.

“Lincoln dropped me off. I was planning on walking home.”

“I’ll drive you home.” Clarke stated.

“No, I- “

The firm glance that Clarke pinned Lexa with effectively shut her up. After taking one more drink of water, Lexa pushed herself up from the park bench, wincing at the shot of pain in her hip. She always became much more aware of the constant, dull ache in her hip and shoulder after an episode. Clarke noticed the pained expression on Lexa’s face, but decided not to bring attention to it. The way Lexa had gone silent and refused to look anywhere but the ground let Clarke know how embarrassed she was about what had happened, and Clarke didn’t want to make it worse.

“Have you eaten since your shift?” Clarke asked.

Lexa shook her head.

“Would you be okay to come back to my place for breakfast?”

Lexa’s eyes widened and she gave Clarke a confused glance. Clarke smiled as she unlocked her car and opened the passenger side door for Lexa. Once they were both in the car, Clarke elaborated.

“Madi has the day off of school, so I was planning on making her favorite breakfast. You are more than welcome to join if you don’t want to be alone. Octavia will probably stay, as well. She spent the night with Madi.”

Lexa thought for a moment. Clarke was right when she guessed that Lexa didn’t want to be alone. She could go to Lincoln’s, but if she did that, he would make her talk about it. As ridiculous as Lincoln could be, whenever Lexa had a bad day, he turned into the overprotective brother figure immediately. She loved Lincoln, she really did, but she really couldn’t handle him pushing her today.

“That sounds nice, actually.” Lexa conceded, giving Clarke as much of a smile as she could muster.

“Well then.” Clarke smiled. “I hope you like chocolate chip pancakes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a review! I have no idea when I'll update, but if this story seems to have a following, I will do my best to update regularly. Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it!


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